Back to Work. Off to Daycare.

January 4th marked the first for a few things.

  1. Back to work from maternity leave.
  2. Z’s first day of daycare.
  3. Started the 21 Day Fix meal planning.

Getting up early was rough. Not gonna lie. Being off for a little over three months, not having to worry what time I woke up in the morning, or having any set routine was really nice. But once that Monday hit and I had to get up early AND had a completely new routine, wow, words can’t explain it. When people say that it’s hard to get a baby out of the house, they aren’t kidding!

But the good news is, I did it and still got to work by 7:30am. Every mother I knew told me that once they leave their baby at daycare (or even with someone they know), they cried all the way to work. Ha! I didn’t! Does that make me a bad mother? God I hope not. I did, however, feel sad and empty all day long. I mean come on, I’ve been with this little guy 24/7 for over three months! I was bound to feel something. Each day that got better.

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Photo: My desk full of pictures of Z to help this new momma make it through the day.

Lets get to the daycare topic. I had picked this place when I was 4m pregnant. Nice mother and daughter home daycare right in my neighborhood. They had another infant there so I thought it would be a great place.

Fast forward several months to Jan 4th 2016…I drop him off, diaper bag packed for the week. They sent me a few pictures of him so I knew he was still alive. That night I go to pick him up and they gave me an update on how he did. The mother, N, told me that he napped either in the pack n play or the car seat. I didn’t process that until I got home and decompressed, and then it donned on me….the car seat!!!!

It was only weeks or a couple of months since I saw something on the news about a baby dying in their car seat while at daycare. So I flipped. the F. OUT! I don’t want my car seat used as a sleeping area. So the next morning, I spoke with N to make sure I heard her right. I didn’t want to accuse or jump down her back if I heard her wrong. So I asked her and she confirmed that’s what happened. I just explained that I wasn’t comfortable with that. He’s only 3m and I’d like him to sleep flat, either in the pack n play, floor, crib, whatever, but flat. She agreed. I felt a bit better.

UNTIL, I realized that I was noticing she didn’t have ANY toys. So I kept watching and checking the room out for toys when I’d drop or pick him up. No toys. One morning I brought that up and she explained that the other infant, who is about 1.5y likes to throw and climb on everything, so she puts them away. AHHHHH….good. She showed me where the toys were and what she uses to play with my son. All is good in the world.

He’s been there for almost two weeks now. When I pick him up and she puts him in the car seat, she’s talking to him, and he’s just smiling away. So he’s happy and that makes me happy. I didn’t want to be that overly protective mom but I will be if needed and at least I had conversations with her before pulling him from there.

When I was thinking about pulling him and even had some other daycare’s lined up to interview, it occurred to me that these other places had lots of kids, all different ages. Would he get the same attention? Would he just be sitting, or crying for a while until they get to him. At least where he’s at, there are ONLY two infants with two providers, so basically one on one attention. Sold.

Now on to the 21 Day Fix meal planning. Yeah, it was a good idea but not on the first day back to work and dealing with daycare. So I will start that back up eventually. I won’t be using it as a diet, because I don’t really need that (although I do still have some baby belly to get rid of), but more importantly it’s learning how to do portion control and eating the right foods.

So that’s that. πŸ™‚

 

OMG!! He’s 3 months old today!

I’ll say it again…Zane is 3m old today! I just can’t believe how time can go by so fast. And I hate the fact that I haven’t been blogging about this little guy a lot more. I mean so much has happened and I feel like I should have been documenting it better.

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Things he likes: smiling, cooing, falling asleep in my arms, falling asleep on my chest, moving his arms and legs constantly, demanding food immediately, being swaddled, holding my hand while eating, diaper changes, baths, sitting up, looking around, watching TV, car rides, stroller rides, chewing on his hands, drooling

Things he dislikes: tummy time (unless on my chest), being cradled in my arms, naps, when I take too long getting his bottle, sometimes the swing

I have ordered so many things from Amazon that I think they’ve assigned me my own driver, or at least I feel they should. I buy and try different things for him and some I’ve returned. I really should blog about the items we both have loved so far, but that would require me to blog more. Ha! I’ll try.

Thanksgiving: Well obviously I have many things to be thankful for this year. Zane, my mom, my friends, and my job. They all mean so much to me. Mom and I made some food and just had a nice chill day. I took my own “first Thanksgiving” pic of Zane. There are going to be so many “firsts”!

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Christmas: It was great. Not going to lie, having him here…finally, is such a blessing that I went overboard on gifts. I mean seriously, he can’t open of gifts yet and doesn’t understand Santa but I had to do it anyway. Next year he’ll probably be more interested but only in the wrapping paper. We did the whole Santa picture thing, but I haven’t scanned it in yet so I can’t post it here. 😦 I also had some professional photos taken with my mom as well. So it was the three of us. Very special and they came out so good!

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Ugh, so as my maternity leave comes to an end, I hate the thought of going back to work and leaving this sweet little boy. I technically started last week but work allowed me to work from home the rest of the year, so I go back into the office on Monday, Jan 4th. AND that means it will be Zane’s first day of daycare.

I know Zane will be fine, I mean, it’s going to be all ME. I’ll eventually be okay but until then I will miss him. I don’t think I’ll be one of those mother’s who cry all the way to work, but you never know. I’ve printed out a bunch of photos so I can plaster them all over my cubicle wall.

The daycare I picked is the lowest price I could find and they are right in my neighborhood. So I’m going with them unless or until I have a problem with them, but I don’t think I will. They have one other infant, H, that is about 10m so Zane will learn a lot from watching this little boy. It will be good for him.

Well I’m off to bed now. I really do and will try to blog more often. Once I go back to work I’ll be able to do some during lunch.

Laters!

 

26 weeks – Baby shower planning, pregnancy pains, and new car.

Wow, I’m 26 weeks pregnant, with 14 weeks to go. It’s real now. Baby Logan is very active so I feel him moving around just about all day long. I can’t tell if he is kicking, punching, flipping or dancing, but feeling the movement is wonderful. I wish there was a way to bottle that feeling.

The baby shower is in less than two weeks. I remember when my mom and I were looking at different dates that would work for both of us and thinking “boy we are really planning this way far in advance” but here it is. Time does go by fast and although there are times I feel that time is super slow, at least for the baby shower it has been going by fast.

I have 32 people coming to my baby shower. NEVER in a million years did I think so many people would come. Originally I was combining my personal and work showers together so it would be a nice size group, but of the 32 people coming, only two are from work. Work has decided they want their own shower since many will be on vacations that day. So the work one will be sometime in August. I even have friend flying in or driving several hours to be here to help me celebrate. Truly blessed and loved.

My mom and I have been putting together the party favors which are so cute. I’ll post pics after the shower.

Pregnancy pains – still have my sciatica pain here and there. Some days my belly feels very tight like if I drink or eat anything small I might just burst. Normal body pains (only because I’m still doing some yard work, whoever will do it?), sleeping has been rough since as soon as I lay down my legs get restless.

I have my next u/s on July 10th. I can’t wait to see how much he’s gained weight and just to get some more pics. At the last u/s he weighed 1lb 6oz. He should be over 2lbs by next Friday.

Oh and I bought a new car last week. I had a 2008 Nissan Altima which has been the best car I’ve ever had. But since buying my house in 2011, getting two dogs (now down to one dog), and a baby on the way, I’ve decided I needed something bigger. My Nissan I had custom car seats made when I got the first dog so she wouldn’t mess up the leather seats in back. But the problem was that I could only take one other person with me because the back seats were furry and dirty. Hauling things from Home Depot was always a chore in my Nissan and have been wanting something bigger even for that reason alone. Now with the baby coming, I needed back seats where a dog wouldn’t own. So I bought a 2015 GMC Terrain. I think this will work for many years to come. I love driving it. I love having the room. I love sitting up high. I love feeling safer in a bigger vehicle.

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6w 2d – Waves of Nausea

I’m having a hard time dealing with the nausea. They come in waves and each day the waves are getting bigger and stronger. One minute I’m feeling normal and then the next this wave comes over me and my stomach is unsettled. Β It’s not awful. I mean so many women have it way worse than I do. And I hate to complain about it because nothing would make me happier to know this is from the pregnancy.

When at work, sometimes I find it hard to make it to the end of the day. All I want to do is go home and lay down. I find myself munching on bland foods to keep something in my tummy or sipping on Ginger Ale.

But you know what the crappy thing is? The progesterone inserts can be the thing causing all this. The pregnancy itself may not be contributing to a single bit of these symptoms. It’s so hard to tell. Until I am off the progesterone inserts.

The past week I’ve been going to bed fairly early only because laying down makes me feel better. So I’m not getting a single thing done that needs to get done.

I’m two days about from the terrifying first u/s. I should be happy and I really want to be but I’m just not. I have the last cycle still pretty raw in my mind and how at my first and second u/s, the sac was empty. I know I shouldn’t keep dwelling on it but I can’t help it.

The weekend will go by pretty quickly and I’ll soon be walking into the clinic for the u/s. Monday will be the tell all. Please send prayers.

From pregnant to unpregnant

I had my second ultrasound today. Last week’s there was a gestational sac but it was empty. All week I have been so worried and scared. I was so happy to be pregnant that I feared it would be taken away.

I get to the doctors office and my heart is pounding in my chest and I’m beginning to shake. I go in and get ready and I tried not to look at the monitor as she is inserting the ultrasound wand. But I had to.

Empty.

I sat up and just broke down crying. The doctor said to get dressed and meet me in the conference room. So I did and she went over my options.

  1. miscarry naturally
  2. take some meds to help me miscarry
  3. do a D&C

I’ve decided to go with a D&C. I don’t want the terrible cramps and massive amounts of blood, just to remind me of what didn’t last. I’ve had a D&C once before when my birth control patch (many, many years ago) caused me to bleed three weeks of the month.

I provided two dates for it and I hope it’s next Thursday so I don’t end up miscarrying on my own.

I’m sad.

When I walked in the house, ugly crying, I sat on my sofa and my super sweet dog Kona curled up with me. She even did some things that did make me laugh. I didn’t cry much longer.

I told everyone who has been following my journey and I got many hugs, prayers and thoughts sent my way. I realize this is an awkward situation and most people don’t know what to say but saying things like:

  • it will happen, you’ll see
  • go the surrogacy route, my first is on her 9th pregnancy helping people
  • things happen- don’t let it get you down because the future holds so much
  • God is good and timing is everything

These people don’t have a clue and have no problems making babies. I know they are trying to be positive and say the right things but that’s not it.

I have one more IVF try left.

I will get back on the horse and try one last time.

I will be a mother or I won’t.

IVF #3 – What are you taking?

Were the first words out of my nurse’s mouth when she called me this afternoon. She was amazed on the huge difference this cycle has been compared to the last one. This morning, which is injection day 11, my appointment showed 14 follicles, but 13 were measured. It looks like maybe around 8-9 are mature right now based on my estrogen levels. So my estrogen went from 1330 to 1796 since yesterday. They are hoping that in the next day or so, the 15 and 16’s will catch up.

When my nurse said those four words to me on the phone, I simply laughed. Of course I still didn’t share that I was taking DHEA but who’s to say that’s what is making the difference. From what I’ve been reading, there might be more punch power in CoQ10. And since I had a minimal increase two days ago, last night I doubled up on the CoQ10. I know it didn’t make anything happen the way it did, but in my mind it helped.

I just did my trigger shot. I wasn’t nervous like I normally am at this time. I iced it up, mixed up the stuff and took it to my mom to give it to me. She laughs at me because I put an X where she needs to target…LOL.

It’s refreshing to know that I had no other injections tonight and from this point on. Now I get to think wonderful thoughts about my retrieval at 9am on Saturday and wish these follicles luck and super growth. With the possibility of retrieving 8-10 eggs, this just makes my odds that much better. This will allow me to do a day-5 transfer and pick which ones make it to blastocyst. That does make me nervous though because I still have some milestones to reach – retrieval, fertilization, division, and blastocyst. All of this in one week. I just know my eggs can do it.

So far I’ve shocked my nurse and I wonder if I’ve shocked my doctor too. Or maybe doing all these stimulating drugs has woken the fertility beast in me and is charged up now. Being single I would think things go into a deep hibernation.

IVF #3 – Injection day 10, 11 measured

Update time! Today 11 were still measured. I won’t do measurements tonight since they only grew a tad bit, but the largest is 18.2 and the smallest is 11.1. My estrogen went from 1231 to 1330 – only about 100, which stinks, but maybe they needed a day off and tomorrow will be better. πŸ™‚

I’m to continue with the same dose and return to the doctor tomorrow morning. I’m REALLY hoping they’ll tell me to trigger tomorrow night.