Back to Work. Off to Daycare.

January 4th marked the first for a few things.

  1. Back to work from maternity leave.
  2. Z’s first day of daycare.
  3. Started the 21 Day Fix meal planning.

Getting up early was rough. Not gonna lie. Being off for a little over three months, not having to worry what time I woke up in the morning, or having any set routine was really nice. But once that Monday hit and I had to get up early AND had a completely new routine, wow, words can’t explain it. When people say that it’s hard to get a baby out of the house, they aren’t kidding!

But the good news is, I did it and still got to work by 7:30am. Every mother I knew told me that once they leave their baby at daycare (or even with someone they know), they cried all the way to work. Ha! I didn’t! Does that make me a bad mother? God I hope not. I did, however, feel sad and empty all day long. I mean come on, I’ve been with this little guy 24/7 for over three months! I was bound to feel something. Each day that got better.


Photo: My desk full of pictures of Z to help this new momma make it through the day.

Lets get to the daycare topic. I had picked this place when I was 4m pregnant. Nice mother and daughter home daycare right in my neighborhood. They had another infant there so I thought it would be a great place.

Fast forward several months to Jan 4th 2016…I drop him off, diaper bag packed for the week. They sent me a few pictures of him so I knew he was still alive. That night I go to pick him up and they gave me an update on how he did. The mother, N, told me that he napped either in the pack n play or the car seat. I didn’t process that until I got home and decompressed, and then it donned on me….the car seat!!!!

It was only weeks or a couple of months since I saw something on the news about a baby dying in their car seat while at daycare. So I flipped. the F. OUT! I don’t want my car seat used as a sleeping area. So the next morning, I spoke with N to make sure I heard her right. I didn’t want to accuse or jump down her back if I heard her wrong. So I asked her and she confirmed that’s what happened. I just explained that I wasn’t comfortable with that. He’s only 3m and I’d like him to sleep flat, either in the pack n play, floor, crib, whatever, but flat. She agreed. I felt a bit better.

UNTIL, I realized that I was noticing she didn’t have ANY toys. So I kept watching and checking the room out for toys when I’d drop or pick him up. No toys. One morning I brought that up and she explained that the other infant, who is about 1.5y likes to throw and climb on everything, so she puts them away. AHHHHH….good. She showed me where the toys were and what she uses to play with my son. All is good in the world.

He’s been there for almost two weeks now. When I pick him up and she puts him in the car seat, she’s talking to him, and he’s just smiling away. So he’s happy and that makes me happy. I didn’t want to be that overly protective mom but I will be if needed and at least I had conversations with her before pulling him from there.

When I was thinking about pulling him and even had some other daycare’s lined up to interview, it occurred to me that these other places had lots of kids, all different ages. Would he get the same attention? Would he just be sitting, or crying for a while until they get to him. At least where he’s at, there are ONLY two infants with two providers, so basically one on one attention. Sold.

Now on to the 21 Day Fix meal planning. Yeah, it was a good idea but not on the first day back to work and dealing with daycare. So I will start that back up eventually. I won’t be using it as a diet, because I don’t really need that (although I do still have some baby belly to get rid of), but more importantly it’s learning how to do portion control and eating the right foods.

So that’s that. 🙂


26 weeks – Baby shower planning, pregnancy pains, and new car.

Wow, I’m 26 weeks pregnant, with 14 weeks to go. It’s real now. Baby Logan is very active so I feel him moving around just about all day long. I can’t tell if he is kicking, punching, flipping or dancing, but feeling the movement is wonderful. I wish there was a way to bottle that feeling.

The baby shower is in less than two weeks. I remember when my mom and I were looking at different dates that would work for both of us and thinking “boy we are really planning this way far in advance” but here it is. Time does go by fast and although there are times I feel that time is super slow, at least for the baby shower it has been going by fast.

I have 32 people coming to my baby shower. NEVER in a million years did I think so many people would come. Originally I was combining my personal and work showers together so it would be a nice size group, but of the 32 people coming, only two are from work. Work has decided they want their own shower since many will be on vacations that day. So the work one will be sometime in August. I even have friend flying in or driving several hours to be here to help me celebrate. Truly blessed and loved.

My mom and I have been putting together the party favors which are so cute. I’ll post pics after the shower.

Pregnancy pains – still have my sciatica pain here and there. Some days my belly feels very tight like if I drink or eat anything small I might just burst. Normal body pains (only because I’m still doing some yard work, whoever will do it?), sleeping has been rough since as soon as I lay down my legs get restless.

I have my next u/s on July 10th. I can’t wait to see how much he’s gained weight and just to get some more pics. At the last u/s he weighed 1lb 6oz. He should be over 2lbs by next Friday.

Oh and I bought a new car last week. I had a 2008 Nissan Altima which has been the best car I’ve ever had. But since buying my house in 2011, getting two dogs (now down to one dog), and a baby on the way, I’ve decided I needed something bigger. My Nissan I had custom car seats made when I got the first dog so she wouldn’t mess up the leather seats in back. But the problem was that I could only take one other person with me because the back seats were furry and dirty. Hauling things from Home Depot was always a chore in my Nissan and have been wanting something bigger even for that reason alone. Now with the baby coming, I needed back seats where a dog wouldn’t own. So I bought a 2015 GMC Terrain. I think this will work for many years to come. I love driving it. I love having the room. I love sitting up high. I love feeling safer in a bigger vehicle.



16 Weeks

Wow! 16 weeks. I can’t believe I’ve made it this far. It still feels surreal. It sounds silly since I’ve wanted this for so long just to get it and not believe it’s real.

The puking, for the most part, has gone away. Sometimes a bad day will rear it’s ugly head and I’m running off to hopefully make it to a toilet before it all comes up. There’s nothing that sets it off really. My energy levels have gone up a bit which means I can start getting things done.

Nursery – I’ve started clearing out what will become the nursery. For the last few years it’s been a spare bedroom and putanythingthatdoesn’thaveahomeyet in there for storage. But I’m hardcore nesting which makes it super easy for me to go through things and put them in the Goodwill pile. I have a load or two to take this weekend.

Registry – Almost done! This was the fun part. I find myself still jumping on it to review and either add something or remove something.

Baby Shower – I’ve finally picked a date and sent out Save the Date. In another month or so I can start doing the invitation. I have them picked out and go perfectly with my vision. BaByQ! Ha, don’t you love it? A BBQ baby shower at my house.

My Bump – It’s starting to push outward.


I just had to wait

I’ve been waiting for a couple of weeks to write again because I was worried things might go south. And I realize there is always a possibility for that to happen but I’m feeling pretty good today so I want to share with ya’ll.

Feb 16th – First u/s. Scared out of my mind. I sat on the table and waited for the tech and Dr. to come in. They come in and told them I was nervous to see an empty sac again. I told them I would be watching them instead of the monitor and to let me know if I can look. But while I was looking at them, out of normal reflex, I glanced over at the monitor and saw a tiny little baby. Heartbeat 130. 6w5d


Mar 3rd – Second u/s. Not as scared but still worried that the heartbeat stopped or something else happened. This appt was with my actual Dr. Didn’t hesitate to look at the monitor this time and I saw a bigger sac and a bigger baby. Looks like a gummy bear. Heartbeat 172. 8w6d


I’m feeling pretty awesome and relieved but still not out of the woods. But I think considering things have gone this far and that I’ve had to push my car out of being stuck in the snow, shoveling, and other strenuous tasks, I think this baby is nice and strong.

Symptoms: I’ve had two bad weeks of nausea. Not going to lie. As much as I wanted to be pregnant, I really didn’t want this. I don’t mind it when I’m home and can lie down when needed or puke in my own bathroom, but to have to hold it back while at work is getting really tough. But I’m trying not to complain. I finally told my manager and he is being super supportive and said if I need to work from home, just to let him know. But I also told him I’m trying not to be that person, but that it’s nice to know I can if I have a really bad day. I’ve had tender breasts but nothing like a couple of weeks ago. Or if my dog pushes off of me, then I notice them. Sleeping has been great so far. My main thing has been nausea.

My mom’s cute. She asked me when we can be excited. I told her that we can be but that until I announce it to the masses, to remain cautious. She agreed.

Next steps: I graduated from Shady Grove Fertility Center today and I have my first appt with my OB scheduled for March 17th (two more weeks). I was told that I might not get another u/s so I shouldn’t be surprised if I don’t.

Chat soon!

6w 2d – Waves of Nausea

I’m having a hard time dealing with the nausea. They come in waves and each day the waves are getting bigger and stronger. One minute I’m feeling normal and then the next this wave comes over me and my stomach is unsettled.  It’s not awful. I mean so many women have it way worse than I do. And I hate to complain about it because nothing would make me happier to know this is from the pregnancy.

When at work, sometimes I find it hard to make it to the end of the day. All I want to do is go home and lay down. I find myself munching on bland foods to keep something in my tummy or sipping on Ginger Ale.

But you know what the crappy thing is? The progesterone inserts can be the thing causing all this. The pregnancy itself may not be contributing to a single bit of these symptoms. It’s so hard to tell. Until I am off the progesterone inserts.

The past week I’ve been going to bed fairly early only because laying down makes me feel better. So I’m not getting a single thing done that needs to get done.

I’m two days about from the terrifying first u/s. I should be happy and I really want to be but I’m just not. I have the last cycle still pretty raw in my mind and how at my first and second u/s, the sac was empty. I know I shouldn’t keep dwelling on it but I can’t help it.

The weekend will go by pretty quickly and I’ll soon be walking into the clinic for the u/s. Monday will be the tell all. Please send prayers.

My last two monitoring appointments

Monitoring appointments usually occur every two days until you get closer to the trigger and then they will see you daily. Mine started this past Friday. The follicles during this appointment were very small but when I asked the technician how many she counted, there was seven on one side and five on the other. Not bad. This time last cycle they counted 13, but you can’t really go by that. I like to document everything so I can compare.

I had another appointment this morning. This was at a different location and I find that every technican counts them differently. However I had a doctor for this appointment. I’ve had him before. He started measuring them but went too fast for me to see what they measured. I asked him how many he measured and he said he measured five but there were more there. This time last cycle they also measured five.

In comparing my estrogen, this is what I have:

Day 4 stims – last cycle 141, this cycle 110

Day 6 stims – last cycle 369, this cycle 285.

I know each cycle can be different and I’m not really too concerned about it but I just wonder why they are that different. I guess if they are measuring smaller this cycle than last, they would be producing less estrogen. My next appointment is Tuesday so I hope to see a big improvement then.

I need help with my…..Stupid Dilemma

You would think picking a donor would be easy. It’s not. In fact, I think it’s worse because you have access to everything about them, their family medical history, essay questions, their profile, college grades, the list just goes on. When you are dating someone or you’re about to marry someone, you don’t know all that information.

I have to order donor sperm again. The last two IVF’s I used the same donor and his last attempt did result in a pregnancy (but I miscarried). So do I go with the same donor or choose a different one. I’ve had mixed suggestions.

I narrowed down my favorites again and upgraded my subscription so I can see ALL their information. Part of this subscription is seeing childhood photos, usually three of them. So I have two selected. The original one that I’ve been using and a new one.

Option 1 – The original donor (6’4″, tall dark and handsome firefighter with dimples, 206lbs, straight thick hair)

Screen Shot 2014-12-24 at 12.41.42 PM Screen Shot 2014-12-24 at 12.42.16 PM Screen Shot 2014-12-24 at 12.42.26 PM

Option 2 – The new option (6’2″, they say unique hazel eyes, 180lbs, thick wavy hair)

Screen Shot 2014-12-24 at 1.11.54 PM Screen Shot 2014-12-24 at 1.12.04 PM Screen Shot 2014-12-24 at 1.12.14 PM

So I’d love to get your opinion. Comment which option you like and if you want, why. I know most people use their husbands sperm so it might be hard to answer this question but any help is appreciated. I’m single and can’t decide what I want more, dimples or hazel eyes, 6’4″ or 6’2″. This is so stupid, isn’t it? HELP!

Always Question Things

So remember how I told you that I had emailed my nurse asking her why I should stop birth control pills when I’m only a week away from my period, but then I got her out of office reply? Well the next day (Friday) I got an email first thing in the morning and she said she got to thinking, the night before, about my situation and she thinks it would be best to finish out the BCP.

See? Always question things.

Just because they are nurses or doctors, doesn’t mean they know everything. They deal with many patients and may not be always thinking about the bigger picture. They should be but they may not always be able to do that.

In the two years that I’ve been going through either IUI or IVF, I’ve documented everything. I have a dayplanner where I write down appointments, injection doeses, blood work results….everything. I remember I was beginning a new cycle and she gave me my protocol but when I compared it with the previous one, the time frames didn’t match up, so I questioned it and she thanked me for catching that. I’m not one of those people who just say “okay” and do as the doctor/nurse tells me. If something doesn’t make sense, I question it. If I’m wrong then I’m wrong. I don’t see any harm in asking why.

So I’m finishing out my BCP which should end Wednesday night. I’m not sure how long after I stop my period will begin but I’d imagine a few days.

That’s where I’m at and probably will finish out the year on BCP when I start my next cycle. Stay tuned…

IVF Ball is Rolling Again!

get-the-ball-rollingI’ve missed blogging but I just didn’t have much to say. Dealing with a miscarriage was hard emotionally and physically. I wanted to give up. But I haven’t.

It’s been a bit over two months since I had my D&C. The wait was terrible. Not knowing when AF would arrive is worse than any other “wait” I’ve been through. I mean even the 2ww is better than what this wait was. At least with the 2ww you have that beta scheduled and know a date, but waiting for AF to arrive after a miscarriage seemed like an eternity, not knowing when she would arrive.

Anyway, enough ranting and on with the updates.

  • Because of the holidays, I was told that the IVF labs are closed from Dec 24 to the end of the year. Makes sense!
  • For me to be able to start the process this month and have the ER and ET before the lab closes, AF needed to be here no later than Nov 15th.
  • AF arrived on Nov 17th.
  • Nurse said we could move forward but I would be on BCP for only 11 days (normally I’m on for around 20 days).
  • Nurse warned me that this cycle could be cancelled if my lining isn’t ready.
  • She also acknowledged that some patients don’t even take BCP and some take them for less time, depending on their situation.
  • I said lets go for it! If it gets cancelled, I’ll start again next month.
  • I’m taking BCP through Nov 30th.
  • If all looks okay, I will begin injections on Dec 4th.
  • Estimated ER could be Dec 15; ET could be Dec 20th.

Even though I’ve been doing acupuncture twice a week, I’m still feeling a bit stressed. I keep telling myself to stop it, but my body will do what it will do. I was talking to my mom yesterday about it. As much as I’m thrilled to be starting IVF again, it also terrifies me 10,000 times more than any other cycle because this is my last shot. I don’t get another try. So my body is feeling the pressure even though my mind and heart keep saying it will be okay, no matter what.

Has anyone taken a shortened BCP protocol and gotten pregnant?

IVF #3 – Three transferred

I’m a tad behind in posting this but last Thursday was my transfer day. I had three early blastocysts so they decided to put them all in hoping one sticks. Of course I was extremely nervous that all three would take but then I remind myself that that would probably NEVER happen – it’s not like I’m in my 20s with no issues.

I had thoughts of being very productive while taking it easy the last three days but for some reason I wasn’t. I wanted to finish scanning my photos, organize my jewelry making storage cart, get some Etsy done and figure out how to use Hootsuite, wrap some more scarf balls, maybe paint another floorcloth, see where I’m going with this? I had plans. The only things I got done were I logged into Hootsuite and renewed my Etsy items. The rest of the time I laid around watching TV/movies.

I felt lost. Sad. The 2WW is horrible. I keep thinking that it should take 2-3 days for implantation and so many women can feel when that happens. I know others don’t feel it but I kept trying to figure out if I was feeling anything. I had a couple of cramps, pinches, but nothing that I think is implantation. So I became sad. Sad that this one didn’t work either. Sad that I had nothing and no one to keep my mind off of this horrible hell of a two week wait.

There are other women in the same cycle group that I’m in on and they are all getting geared up to start peeing on a stick. I did just about every day during the last IVFs two week wait, but I’m so scared to see that negative this time. Some reason this cycle is so much harder. Maybe I’m scared that I only have one more try left. Maybe part of me is trying to come to terms that I may never be a mother. I’m sure I’ll buy some and start some time this week but the fear is still there. I’ve never wanted to much in my entire life.

So today is 3dp5dt (three days past five day transfer) which means that it’s still too early to start testing.

No symptoms to report really.

I hope tomorrow is a better day.