My Childbirth Story

I look back at my last post and I was 7 weeks away from my due date. Time flies! I delivered early, Sept 29th, 2015, when my due date was Oct 7th, 2015. I was okay with going early, in fact, I prayed for it. The uncomfortableness was getting to be too much and I was SOOO ready to meet this little guy who I could feel move inside me, kick me hard enough to jolt me awake at night, and who I could feel his hiccups from deep inside. I felt I already knew him. So this is my birth story…

****I will be going into graphic details/pictures of my childbirth so if you don’t want to know this much about me, I’d not read any further****

September 28th was a Monday. I’ve been working from home since I was close to my due date. This day, however, felt different. I felt off. I felt blah. And I felt super duper tired. I also noticed I didn’t have many Braxton Hicks contractions. Over the past weekend I was having tons of them. I thought it was weird and thought – great, he’s comfortable in there.

Later in the evening, my mom was home from work and we were enjoying some dinner and TV. I had to lie down as I was having a massive hot flash, like non other before. I went to bed around 10pm and watched some TV, then tried to sleep, tossing and turning. Around midnight, I felt a sharp pain in my groin and felt a pop – like seriously, a pop! I’ve been wearing big pads at night in case this were to happen. I grabbed the pad and felt something leak out. I stand up to head to the bathroom when it was gushing out. My water broke!!!

I sit on the toilet and it’s just gushing and gushing. I call for my mom who lives on the bottom floor. She couldn’t hear me. So I stuck a pad between my legs and waddles out to the stairs and yelled down to her – Mom!!! Something is happening!!! – She comes up stairs and I show her and she said it does look like my water broke.

I called my doula Lauren. She suggested I call the hospital since the OB was closed. I did and had to wait for the on call doctor to call back. Of course I missed the call when I made another trip back to the toilet. Lauren asked if I was having contractions and I told her not yet. She suggested I go and get some sleep until the contractions start, because I’ll need sleep. So I told my mom to get some rest and I did the same.

I crawled in bed and was feeling some Braxton Hicks type of contractions. Maybe had 2-3 of them. Then I felt a real one and oh boy, there as no way I was going to misinterpret a BH and a real contractions. The pain was so intense that while I was trying to time them, I couldn’t seem to add or subtract to figure out how far a part they were, so I got up and got paper and a pen to write down the times. The OB says they use a 5-1-1 rule. 5 – minutes a part, lasting 1 minutes, for 1 hour. So I timed them. They started out 5 minutes a part and quickly got to 2 minutes and 3-4 minutes a part. I let Lauren know and she said to just go to the hospital, she’d meet me there. So I got out of bed, called downstairs to my mom and told her to pack her bag, it’s time! It’s about 1:30am now.

We load up the car and head to the hospital which was downtown so about 20 minutes away. Not too bad but having painful contractions made it seem like hours. I told my mom to go to the parking garage and drop me off at the pedestrian walkway, that there is always a wheelchair there and I’ll sit there and wait. Of course there wasn’t so I continued to walk the long hallway to the info desk. I had to stop in the ladies room to change my pad because the gushing was still happening. I go into the handicap stall and there’s no toilet paper. I called my mom and told her where I was. She came in and I asked for some toilet paper. This was one time I couldn’t drip dry…gross!

We head to the info desk where there were two security men who barely gave us the time of day. He asked for my mom’s ID and then had us wait a few minutes while he helped the other security guard…seriously???? Finally we get to go upstairs to Labor and Delivery. First stop is Registration.

Registration was a little older lady sitting behind a glass panel. My mom stood there for about 2 minutes before the lady looked up. I sat in the little waiting room area across from the window. Mom said the lady was typing with two fingers, and very slow. GREAT. She asked a ton of questions and then two-finger typed them in. I think this took about 10 minutes, all the while I’m sitting there moaning in pain. My favorite part of this portion of the  night was that she asked my mom if I was having contractions. My mom wanted to say – No, we just thought we’d come hang out with you….of course yes!

My pad was soaked AGAIN so I asked the registration lady if there was a ladies room. She said someone would be out to get me shortly. I said that’s fine but I need a bathroom. She said they are on the other side of the elevators….thanks. At that time a nurse came out to get me. I thought she’d bring a wheelchair but NOPE. So I walked and walked and walked to what I think was the last room in that hallway. As I’m passing the nurses station (I think), I had to stop because of another contraction. The nurses asked me what was wrong….what do you think??? Geez! I was holding my short out in the butt area to make a bucket because I was still gushing. It was running down my leg and into my flip flops. I finally made it to the room.

The nurse had me take off all my clothes (except bra) and put the gown on. At this point in life, I didn’t care who saw me or show saw what. I stripped down and got into the gown. Got into the bed and got as comfortable as I could. I think it was around 2am. I wasn’t keeping time very well.


A doctor came in and checked my cervix to see about dilation and I think he said I was either 2 or 3cm. I had to wait for them to get an IV hooked up to me before I could get the epidural. I’m not sure how long either of these took but I think by 3:30 or 4am I had the epidural. My original plan was to wait as long as possible before getting the epidural but yeah, that didn’t last long.

The epidural guy came into the room. He had me sit on the edge of the bed and lean over on the food tray that had a pillow on top. He found where he needed to stick me and told me everything he was doing and what I’d feel. The stick wasn’t bad but then he said I’d feel some pressure and that was the weirdest sensation I’ve ever felt. It felt like he was feeding a line all the way down my spine. Didn’t hurt, just felt really weird. And because my mind visualize something going down the inside of my spine, I got very light-headed. So he stopped for a few minutes until the dizziness went away. Whew!

It didn’t take long for the epidural to kick in, maybe 10-15 minutes. And I was feeling much better and much more relaxed. At this point I sleep. My doula and mom go to sleep on the couch and we wait.

The doctor came in about 4 hours later to check my cervix. I was 5cm dilated. I think it was around 6am (again didn’t keep very good track of what time it was). Back to sleep.

Another cervical check another 4 hours later (around 10 or 11am) and I was at 8cm. Back to sleep. Another check 4 hours later and unfortunately I was stalled at 8cm. I think it was around 2pm, or thereabouts. So they called the on call doctor to see if I should be given Pitocin. My nurse Susan started to get it all setup. While she was setting it up she had me roll on to my left side since I was on my back for a while.

Once I was on my left side, I felt this intense pressure like I’ve never felt before. Even with an epidural the pain was awful. Susan asked me what was going on and I said that the pressure was awful, that I think he was trying to come through my butt hole.

It gets a bit fuzzy here but I think nurse Susan called the on call doctor to let her know that the baby was coming. Around the same time I remember something happening and later found out that when I changed position, the baby dropped significantly and his heart rate dropped a lot.

The doctor rushes into the room and explains that they have to get the baby out now. She said she didn’t want to do c-section quite yet but would I be okay with suction. I said yes. The room was a whirlwind. The doctor was getting suited up, people were constantly moving around getting things ready. Someone took the bed a part by my legs and put up the stirrups. The doctor explained to me how to push. That I need to push like I’m having a bowel movement. When I feel a contraction, to breathe in, grab behind my knees, bring my legs up to my body, bring my body up to the belly, and push as hard as possible. Like I’m pushing the breath through my vagina.

She asked me if I can feel when contractions are coming. I said yes, pressure. She said great, when I feel one coming on, to do what I told her. So I did. I started pushing with each contractions and the doctor was amazed. She said that I won’t need suction and wished that all her patients could push like that. I think I went through 5-6 contractions and then I heard the best sound.

My boy came out crying! My mom started crying, which made me start to cry. Amazing. They put my baby boy on my chest, although he was backwards, it was still the most amazing and wonderful thing in the world. I’ve waited for so long to meet him.












Another nurse came over and asked if she could take him to clean him up and get his measurements. I said not yet, as long as he’s right here to distract me from what is going on down in my lady parts. The doctor was sewing me up. I did have 1 tear and remember her saying it was more wide than deep, whatever that means. So when she was done, then the nurse came over and took the baby to get measured and cleaned up.








They don’t waste time on getting the baby to breastfeed so they bring him over and they help me get him latched on. He had no issues.







I don’t think anything else happened at this point. The only thing was I had to wait until the epidural wore off and could go to the bathroom (with assistance) before they’d move me to the other room.  This took 2-3 hours to wear off. Then we had to wait to get assigned a Mother Baby room upstairs. I think it was around 9 or 10pm before we were moved but I could be wrong.

Once up in the Mother Baby room, the nurse helped me to the bathroom and showed me how I had to keep my lady parts clean after each time I go. She gave me these boxer brief looking underwear that were made out of a mesh material, almost like pantyhose. She had these very rectangular pads that she said she doubles up to make them extra long, overlapping them a bit in the middle. She put Witch Hazel pads down the pads to help relieve any discomfort. After I peed, I had this cleaning spray that I had to spray my lady parts from the front so they go to the back, then there is a water bottle that I rinse it off with. When it’s time to wipe, I have to blot, not wipe. Because the blood was still pretty gushy, the nurse would help me pull up the underwear so that the pad catches whatever flows out. Oy!

Mom stayed that night and left around 9 or 10am on Wednesday. She went home and slept. She came back Wednesday night for about 3 hours.

Wednesday was a bit rough for me being all alone. I was in so much pain but the pain was in my bum, not my lady parts. So at some point a nurse or doctor took a look. Super….I had a hemorrhoid. That was the worst part for me after the birth. It hurt to sit down, lay down on it, slide across the bed to get up. It was awful. So the doctor ordered me some meds for it. When mom visited Wednesday evening, I let her take care of the baby. 🙂

Thursday was the day I got to go home. Also the baby got his first bath which was fun to watch. He was scrubbed and he screamed bloody murder. But he smelled so lovely after that. Plus his hair still have globs of bloody stuff in it so that was all washed out. He looked perfect.

I had paperwork to do and discharge instructions to go over. I told the doctor I was terrified to poop because of the hemorrhoid so she gave me a prescription for stool softener to help me not strain. I had two pain meds to go home with and a stool softener. Around 12:15pm my lunch arrived. Ate that and then was told by my nurse that I have officially been discharged. I called my mom and arranged the time for her to come get me. She pulled up at the pick-up spot and came up to help me. They called two transports, one for me and one for all the bags of stuff.


It was so wonderful to get to go home. I put the baby in the carrier to get him fitted for it. But had to carry him on the way out. He didn’t like the carrier during the fitting but was fine once we got in the car. He fell asleep for the entire ride home. It was a cold and rainy day and had nothing but a short sleeve onesie for him. Thankfully we weren’t outside for very long.

When we got home, I took the baby inside first. I put him down on the floor and let Kona sniff around. It didn’t take long for Kona to become the helpful dog nanny. She’s been a wonderful dog who checks on him regularly.

So welcome Zane Asher Logan, born on 9/29/15 at 3:31pm. He weighed 7lbs 11oz and was 21in long. He is healthy from head to toe.

26 weeks – Baby shower planning, pregnancy pains, and new car.

Wow, I’m 26 weeks pregnant, with 14 weeks to go. It’s real now. Baby Logan is very active so I feel him moving around just about all day long. I can’t tell if he is kicking, punching, flipping or dancing, but feeling the movement is wonderful. I wish there was a way to bottle that feeling.

The baby shower is in less than two weeks. I remember when my mom and I were looking at different dates that would work for both of us and thinking “boy we are really planning this way far in advance” but here it is. Time does go by fast and although there are times I feel that time is super slow, at least for the baby shower it has been going by fast.

I have 32 people coming to my baby shower. NEVER in a million years did I think so many people would come. Originally I was combining my personal and work showers together so it would be a nice size group, but of the 32 people coming, only two are from work. Work has decided they want their own shower since many will be on vacations that day. So the work one will be sometime in August. I even have friend flying in or driving several hours to be here to help me celebrate. Truly blessed and loved.

My mom and I have been putting together the party favors which are so cute. I’ll post pics after the shower.

Pregnancy pains – still have my sciatica pain here and there. Some days my belly feels very tight like if I drink or eat anything small I might just burst. Normal body pains (only because I’m still doing some yard work, whoever will do it?), sleeping has been rough since as soon as I lay down my legs get restless.

I have my next u/s on July 10th. I can’t wait to see how much he’s gained weight and just to get some more pics. At the last u/s he weighed 1lb 6oz. He should be over 2lbs by next Friday.

Oh and I bought a new car last week. I had a 2008 Nissan Altima which has been the best car I’ve ever had. But since buying my house in 2011, getting two dogs (now down to one dog), and a baby on the way, I’ve decided I needed something bigger. My Nissan I had custom car seats made when I got the first dog so she wouldn’t mess up the leather seats in back. But the problem was that I could only take one other person with me because the back seats were furry and dirty. Hauling things from Home Depot was always a chore in my Nissan and have been wanting something bigger even for that reason alone. Now with the baby coming, I needed back seats where a dog wouldn’t own. So I bought a 2015 GMC Terrain. I think this will work for many years to come. I love driving it. I love having the room. I love sitting up high. I love feeling safer in a bigger vehicle.



16 Weeks

Wow! 16 weeks. I can’t believe I’ve made it this far. It still feels surreal. It sounds silly since I’ve wanted this for so long just to get it and not believe it’s real.

The puking, for the most part, has gone away. Sometimes a bad day will rear it’s ugly head and I’m running off to hopefully make it to a toilet before it all comes up. There’s nothing that sets it off really. My energy levels have gone up a bit which means I can start getting things done.

Nursery – I’ve started clearing out what will become the nursery. For the last few years it’s been a spare bedroom and putanythingthatdoesn’thaveahomeyet in there for storage. But I’m hardcore nesting which makes it super easy for me to go through things and put them in the Goodwill pile. I have a load or two to take this weekend.

Registry – Almost done! This was the fun part. I find myself still jumping on it to review and either add something or remove something.

Baby Shower – I’ve finally picked a date and sent out Save the Date. In another month or so I can start doing the invitation. I have them picked out and go perfectly with my vision. BaByQ! Ha, don’t you love it? A BBQ baby shower at my house.

My Bump – It’s starting to push outward.


From pregnant to unpregnant

I had my second ultrasound today. Last week’s there was a gestational sac but it was empty. All week I have been so worried and scared. I was so happy to be pregnant that I feared it would be taken away.

I get to the doctors office and my heart is pounding in my chest and I’m beginning to shake. I go in and get ready and I tried not to look at the monitor as she is inserting the ultrasound wand. But I had to.


I sat up and just broke down crying. The doctor said to get dressed and meet me in the conference room. So I did and she went over my options.

  1. miscarry naturally
  2. take some meds to help me miscarry
  3. do a D&C

I’ve decided to go with a D&C. I don’t want the terrible cramps and massive amounts of blood, just to remind me of what didn’t last. I’ve had a D&C once before when my birth control patch (many, many years ago) caused me to bleed three weeks of the month.

I provided two dates for it and I hope it’s next Thursday so I don’t end up miscarrying on my own.

I’m sad.

When I walked in the house, ugly crying, I sat on my sofa and my super sweet dog Kona curled up with me. She even did some things that did make me laugh. I didn’t cry much longer.

I told everyone who has been following my journey and I got many hugs, prayers and thoughts sent my way. I realize this is an awkward situation and most people don’t know what to say but saying things like:

  • it will happen, you’ll see
  • go the surrogacy route, my first is on her 9th pregnancy helping people
  • things happen- don’t let it get you down because the future holds so much
  • God is good and timing is everything

These people don’t have a clue and have no problems making babies. I know they are trying to be positive and say the right things but that’s not it.

I have one more IVF try left.

I will get back on the horse and try one last time.

I will be a mother or I won’t.

Cycle Day 9 – Injection Time

A couple of days ago, I finished the fertility pills. Tonight is another big night in that I have to give myself a fertility injection. Now in my mind I think this should be easy. But I do wonder if I’ll be able to do it myself or if someone else will have to do me the honor. I’ve watched the video tutorial and it seems straight-forward, but when it’s time to push the needle into the fatty part of my belly…hmmm – we’ll see!

Later that same day…

I got home and was all pumped up to give myself the injection. I watched the online video again just to make sure I was doing it correctly. I get the supplies out and in place, mix the solution into the powder, draw out the correct amount, wipe off a place on my belly and hold the needle in my hand, inches away from my pinched belly area – and I couldn’t do it! My hands were shaking so badly that I couldn’t bring myself to push the needle into my skin.

I cap the needle and go and get a drink and relax on the sofa. I try to calm down while talking to my inner self. I know if anything, it’s just going to feel like a pinch. I know it’s not going to be anything too bad. I also told myself that I would be so mad at myself if I couldn’t do this. I’m 38 yo and I should be able to do this, right?

So I get pumped up again and head back into the bathroom. I loosen the cap on the needle and wipe off that same area on I wiped before to make sure the area is clean. I hold the needle up once again and I hesitate. Finally, I push the needle in and OMG, it didn’t hurt at all! In fact I didn’t feel anything. After I injected the meds in I went to pull the needle out and saw that it was pulling my skin. So I looked up so I wouldn’t watch that and just pulled. I would say that maybe 5-10 mins after the site did burn a little bit, but nothing bad at all.

I was so relieved that I was able to do this myself and didn’t have to rely on someone else to do it for me.


Final Testing

I’ve done all my blood work and my HSG was schedule for this morning. I am not a fan of this test but understand why it needs to be done. So this test, they inject dye into your uterus and they can see on the monitor where it flows. The hope is that it flows into the fallopian tubes. This can tell them if there are any blockages that would prevent me from getting pregnant.

The doctor said that the uterus isn’t used to having something heavy. The dye they inject is the consistency of corn syrup so since the uterus doesn’t like it, it tries to get rid of it, causing a cramping pain.

Yeah, well…the pain almost made me fold up like origami…LOL. It doesn’t last but a minute but it was a painful minute.

Luckily my tubes are clear and good to go!

Now on to the final doctor’s visit so she can tell me the course of action that should take place.

Initial Doctor’s Visit

I just got back from my initial visit with my new fertility doctor. She gave me the good and bad news but all very realistic and understandable. She said with my age, that the chances of me getting pregnant are slim but that it can happen. I’m not ancient, mind you. I’m 38. Yes, in pregnancy life that is older than they’d like. But not impossible.

She explained the tests that I would need to get done.

  • Vaginal ultrasound
  • Blood work (two different ones)
  • HSG
  • Genetics test (optional)

We scheduled the ultrasound for the very next morning, May 1st, 2013 for them to do whatever. I think they just wanted to check out the equipment. But whatever they were looking for, came back fine.

I have my blood work scheduled for Thursday, May 2nd, 2013.