IUI #3

I hope I can get back to blogging about my journey, and blog more frequently. I just finished IUI #3 and this past Monday I went in to the doctor for my beta test (pregnancy test). I took two home tests the Friday and Saturday before and both were negative so I was convinced that it would be a negative. I waited for the call and the phone rang after lunch to confirm what I ready knew – big fat negative!

I’m sad. I try to stay positive or at least appear positive but deep down I wonder if it will ever happen to me. Everyone around me is getting pregnant and it makes me jealous. I hate feeling that way but I do. I’ve wanted to be a mother for 17 years now. Maybe I waited too long to try on my own. Maybe I’m not meant to be a mother. That’s just the sad part of me talking but she has said those things. The positive side keeps saying that it will happen, it just might take more work since I’m 38. It’s a constant battle between parts.

The doctor wants me to schedule a FUV (follow-up visit) to talk about things and next steps. I’m pretty sure she will say that the next steps should be IVF. I’m okay with that but don’t have the money right now which keeps me sad. I don’t know the actual cost yet but I hear it could be between 10-15k. And who has that? I don’t. I’m single, remember? I decided to wait until the beginning of January to meet with my doctor. I don’t want any bad news to ruin my holiday and I’m thinking of worst case scenario, like based on your three IUI’s, you have a 1% chance of getting pregnant even with IVF.

I did contact my insurance and they do cover it but only for married couples. It’s not fair. Makes me so mad and upset that singles get different treatment than married couples. Even if insurance doesn’t provide the same coverage, anything helps.

So that’s where I am now. Waiting for my FUV and then I can figure out what to do. Any advice? Anywhere I can get a loan for those who have a lot of debt?

 

Day Before my Pregnancy Blood Test #1

I hate to say it but I’m not pregnant, according to this morning’s home pregnancy test. I took one a few days ago just to see and it was negative. I have my pregnancy blood test (Beta) tomorrow morning so I wanted to be prepared either way for it. It was negative. I’m disappointed but not upset. I was told it most likely won’t happen the first round and that’s what I was anticipating. Of course I was hoping I would be one of the lucky first timers but it just didn’t happen. Tomorrow afternoon I will have confirmation. Once I receive the news I pretty much already know, I plan on moving forward with IUI #2 which is basically repeating everything I did this past round. Not a big deal, except for the money part.

I have a dilemma – a financial one. I have the bills from the testing before I did IUI #1 that I haven’t paid yet. I paid the IUI and the donor sperm from my savings. I have about 3k left in my savings. My dilemma is, should I pay the bills + IUI #2 from my savings leaving me with almost zero, hoping it works – OR – apply for a loan through a program they partner with to pay the outstanding bills + IUI #2, leaving my savings as a cushion?

Let’s say IUI #2 does in fact work and I took out this loan, I would have leftover money left in the loan that would be returned to the loan place. I guess that’s not a bad idea and can’t hurt either way. Then if I have to move to IVF, I would have to take out another loan for that cost. Oy. That won’t be great for my credit report, will it?

Wanting and trying to have a baby is so hard and then to have to do it alone makes it even harder. Insurance doesn’t cover even the office visits or the testing because I’m single, where if I was married it would have been covered. I think even the IVF would be covered if I was married. Can we say, discrimination?

Okay this is really random and weird, but I just went to the ladies room here at work and at the same time, two pregnant women came in!!!! Maybe that is a sign that the second one will work! Silly I know but hey, I can wish right?

Tomorrow I’ll have the official results but wanted to talk about where I’m at today.

Two Week Wait – Half Way Point

I am exactly at my half way point of this two week wait. My appointment is a week from today at 7:15am. I will know the results by the end of that day. I did buy two pregnancy tests but not sure if I will use them. I have mixed feelings about it because if it shows a negative, I will be upset. BUT if it shows a positive, I could be relieved and happy a couple of days before the official results day.

Decisions.

Today is 7dpo. I don’t feel anything yet. I feel bloated but that could be from the progesterone supplements. I feel tired, but that is pretty normal for me. I don’t feel cramps and no spotting. But I have some major gas…(sorry, TMI). No tender breasts or nipples. Nothing.

I’m kind of scared to get the results, whether I do a home pregnancy test or wait until my results day. I know this is only my first IUI, and we don’t know if I have any fertility issues since I’ve never tried to get pregnant, so if it doesn’t take, it could ultimately mean that there is a possibility of having some sort of fertility issue.

 

Two Week Wait

I’m part way through my two week wait (TWW) and the days are slow and my mind is dreaming of what could be. It sounds silly but every little thing I feel in my body I wonder if it’s a pregnancy symptom. I know it’s not. It’s too soon. According to the Internet, my body won’t know about the pregnancy until the egg implants itself to my uterus which takes 6-10 days from time of fertilization. I’m hoping that I feel something by the weekend but I really am trying not to think about it much. How can I not?

When I get home I need to stay busy, either cleaning, crocheting, organizing or writing. During the day my work keeps me busy, but doesn’t mean my mind doesn’t wander. It does.

Did you feel any pregnancy symptoms during your two week wait? If so, what were they and where in that two weeks did you feel them?