I hope I can get back to blogging about my journey, and blog more frequently. I just finished IUI #3 and this past Monday I went in to the doctor for my beta test (pregnancy test). I took two home tests the Friday and Saturday before and both were negative so I was convinced that it would be a negative. I waited for the call and the phone rang after lunch to confirm what I ready knew – big fat negative!
I’m sad. I try to stay positive or at least appear positive but deep down I wonder if it will ever happen to me. Everyone around me is getting pregnant and it makes me jealous. I hate feeling that way but I do. I’ve wanted to be a mother for 17 years now. Maybe I waited too long to try on my own. Maybe I’m not meant to be a mother. That’s just the sad part of me talking but she has said those things. The positive side keeps saying that it will happen, it just might take more work since I’m 38. It’s a constant battle between parts.
The doctor wants me to schedule a FUV (follow-up visit) to talk about things and next steps. I’m pretty sure she will say that the next steps should be IVF. I’m okay with that but don’t have the money right now which keeps me sad. I don’t know the actual cost yet but I hear it could be between 10-15k. And who has that? I don’t. I’m single, remember? I decided to wait until the beginning of January to meet with my doctor. I don’t want any bad news to ruin my holiday and I’m thinking of worst case scenario, like based on your three IUI’s, you have a 1% chance of getting pregnant even with IVF.
I did contact my insurance and they do cover it but only for married couples. It’s not fair. Makes me so mad and upset that singles get different treatment than married couples. Even if insurance doesn’t provide the same coverage, anything helps.
So that’s where I am now. Waiting for my FUV and then I can figure out what to do. Any advice? Anywhere I can get a loan for those who have a lot of debt?
- IUI #6 Was Here and Now It’s Gone (hopeloveandfamily.wordpress.com)
- IUI #3 Update (ambivalentjourney.wordpress.com)
- Third times a charm? (doingthingsourway.wordpress.com)