Quick Update

I thought for my donor dilemma that I would make a pros and cons list for each. Well that didn’t quite go as planned. Both have many pros but only one has one con. Option 2, the new option had ADD as child. That’s the only con for him. And to me that’s not a huge deal or at least shouldn’t be. Of course if it was, at least it would make my decision easier.

What I might do is call the donor bank and see if they can shed any light on both of these donors that maybe I don’t see in the online information. Plus they both have “yes” for pregnancies and it would be nice to know how many each have and when they first signed up with the donor bank.

So I’ll let you know if they can help me decide.

On to other news, I had my pre-IVF evaluation appointment this morning. Because it’s a weekend, I can’t go to my regular location, I had to go to another one that is open seven days a week. I’m not fond of going there. The wait is usually longer. I don’t know the nurses or doctors. And today I decided I don’t like their scale. It has to be off because I did not gain that much weight. Blah.

The ultrasound portion of the appointment went well, but so did the last one that ended up being canceled. My lining was nice and thin and she didn’t really count but when I said to take a guess, she said probably about seven follicles. I usually have more but I have to keep reminding myself that I’m only about 16 days into my cycle. My other cycles I’ve been on BCP for about 20 days. This time it was only 14.

I ran some errands before getting home, just to have to wait until the afternoon for the call. Usually they call between 3-4 but they called around 1:30. The nurse said that my bloodwork was good and that I can start!!!! I was like “wait, what?”. She repeated herself and I said okay!

Tuesday morning I begin injections.

AM – 300 gonal-f

PM – 150 gonal-f + 2 vials of menopur (I can’t remember the units)

I return on Jan 2nd for a monitoring appointment and hopefully there will be more to report on.

Chat later…goodnight! 🙂

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IVF #3 – Injection day 6, 5 measurables

Today I had my appointment at the Towson location. Usually Saturdays there consist of a long wait, but today was different. I ended up being a bit late but by the time I took out my Kindle and read a page or two, they called my name for blood work. I sat back out in the lobby and read a couple more pages and they called me to go for the U/S.

The technician did her thing so quickly that I couldn’t keep track of measurements. I asked her how many total there were and she said 11-12 but I don’t think she really counted. She was busy measuring the larger ones. I thought I saw one around 7mm, another around 9mm. The nurse said it’s still early so I hope that means others will catch up to the larger ones. I was in and out within half an hour. World record!

I left and ran a couple of errands. Got home and ate some breakfast. Then it was back outside to do yard work. I ended up missing the call from the nurse but she left my new instructions.

Tonight the dose stays the same. Tomorrow morning I add in Ganirelix along with my normal 300 Gonal-F. Tomorrow night I start an increased does of Menopur, 225, and same dose of 150 Gonal-F. The nurse also mentioned that they measured five follicles. I’m confused though. I’m supposed to be starting the Ganirelix when my follicles reach 14mm but I’m pretty sure none did. So why start me on this now?

Monday is my next appointment and when my regular nurse calls I’ll ask her why. Plus I’ll remember to get a copy of the U/S results like I did for IVF #2.

I’m not looking forward to the Ganirelix. I remember having to use a bit more force to push the needle in, compared to the other injections. Last time I used my normal force and I couldn’t break skin and it just made a nice hole in my skin. I almost passed out. It’s hard having to give yourself injections.

Will I be okay with that

Today I got to hang out with a friend of mine and I got to catch her up on all things IVF in my life. In our discussion I had mentioned something along the lines that I only get two more transfer, that insurance will only pay for two more. She said something like – but won’t you keep going afterwards. I initially said no. IVF is expensive and it would take me a year or so to save up that kind of money.

But I got to thinking as the day went on. If after the three attempts insurance will pay, and I don’t get pregnant, will that be it? Will I not try anymore? Will I be okay with that?

I’ve always wanted to be a mother. How could I be okay with that not happening? I’m not sure I can be.

So now I’m scared again. My new cycle of injections is coming up on the 21st and I’m so scared this may never happen for me. If it doesn’t work on the second transfer, would I be okay with using an egg donor? It terrifies me to think about that just yet.

I don’t know how many times I need to pray. Or how many times I can wish on a star. When will it be my time to be a mother?