It’s Infertility Awareness Week. I feel like I should say something during this week since it happened to me. I’m that 1 in 8 person.
It happened to me because I waited too long and my eggs got old and were running out. It happened to me because I was looking for that perfect guy to have that perfect family with. Yeah well time ran out and I realized I was 38. Like what the hell just happened.
So I was like “I’m gonna adopt!” Went through months of that and about 5-7k later and they wanted me to wait. Seriously wait. But they wanted me to wait until I paid down my student loan. Well fuck…I have 15 years give or take of student loans and changing majors and retaking failed classes. They wanted me to wait 6 month to a year. How much lower do they think my student loan will be in that time. Hell, I’ll probably still be paying it when I’m old and retired.
I cried. I felt lost. I was alone.
Then I asked myself “I wonder if I can get pregnant.” “I wonder if I can do this alone.”
My research began….
Next thing I know I have an appointment at a well known and super successful clinic in my area. I met them, we talked, then we setup some tests. Tests that would determine if I can get pregnant and the odds.
Tests came back that I had “diminished ovarian reserve” and I can’t remember the technical term but basically old eggs. They can tell all this by numbers given during certain tests. Bottom line, I had very old eggs and not many left.
I met with the doctor where she explained all this in greater detail. All stuff that was over my head but at the time it probably made more sense. Her bottom line was that she didn’t think I could get pregnant, much less use my own eggs. So her bottom line was I would have to use donor sperm (since I’m single) and donor eggs. That fucking hurt. I felt empty.
But…I didn’t give up. I did more research and found somethings to do to maybe help my old eggs which in turn would help my odds. So the fun began.
2013 – I did three IUI’s. These are basically one step down from IVF. You take some meds to get on a cycle they can monitor and then they inject the sperm way up there and hope everything happens naturally. I did this 3 times.
2014 – I did three IVF’s. Tons more meds, injections I had to do myself and all the fun shitty side-effects that come with this. And I was on the maximum dose of everything. One didn’t take, one was cancelled before the transfer (eggs didn’t mature into embryos), and one pregnancy (turned non-viable). All tests showed I was pregnant but the ultrasound showed an empty sac. Boy did I cry. Like ugly cry.
2015 – My last IVF. It took. I was pregnant. I didn’t believe it until I saw it on the ultrasound. I remember shaking so much and couldn’t get myself to look at the screen, but the nurse said to look. I cried. I cried happy tears.
Sept 29, 2015 – My son was born. 7lbs 11oz. Perfect. Baby. Boy. 15 mins of pushing.
April 28th, 2017 – Tomorrow my son will be 19 months old!
He’s perfect. He’s smart. He’s silly. He’s mine. He was created from MY EGG and donor sperm.
I worked hard. I took extra supplements and vitamins and on my last attempt, I even did acupuncture. Did any of it make a difference? Who know, but I did anything and everything I could.
I do know a bit about infertility, but I believe it’s because I waited so long in life. Would I have needed IVF if I was in my 20’s or 30’s? I’ll never know. But I’m happy to have gone through this and I’ve met some wonderful friends through IVF who will be life-long friends and family forever.
I’ve also met through the sperm donor site, Z’s half siblings. He has 5 half siblings (4 brothers and 1 sister). They are family now. Family means the world to me and because of this path, my son will have a bigger family because of it.
I am that 1 in 8 people. And I’m ok with that. 🙂