The Eve of Retrieval Day

Let me start off by saying that I seem to be more nervous this time. Why? When I compare this cycle with the previous one, it’s so much better that I think it’s starting to freak me out. Don’t get me wrong, I want this, but it doesn’t mean I’m not terrified. I am. I’m also super excited.

Last night I triggered using HCG injection. My scheduled time was at 12:30am (today). I thought to myself – that’s okay, I’ll set my alarm and sleep for a few hours. Not. I was so nervous about this injections…AGAIN! I think I was more worked up this time than last and last time I realized that the injection isn’t that bad. Ice it and dart the needle in. No big deal. I tried to get to sleep last night but the entire time my heart is beating so hard that I felt like I was moving. I kept googling this injection on my phone – watching YouTube videos, reading about why I have to use the longer needle and not the shorter one, reading about how if you don’t inject it far enough in that it won’t work, reading about side effects, reading, reading….

My alarm goes off and I jump out of bed, went to the bathroom and mixed 2cc of the water with the entire vial of powder (10,000 iu). I’m shaking. That long needle is staring at me and making fun at the fact that I’m terrified of it. I gathered everything I needed and headed for the kitchen where I was hoping to find an ice pack. Searched and searched the freezer and nothing. So I grabbed a zip lock bag, and put ice cubes in it. Went downstairs to my mom’s room to wake her up so she could administer the injection. I iced the spot and my mom darted in the injection. That wasn’t bad….again. It did bleed and I asked her if she pulled back the plunger if any blood came out and she said no, so I hope it went well. I didn’t watch or even sneak a peek so no clue.

I headed to bed and tossed and turned for a bit but eventually got to sleep.

Tomorrow is the retrieval. I’m so excited because the doctor said they should be able to retrieve up to six eggs. I have seven total! Last IVF they only retrieved two. So I feel that the odds are much better this time, that one of them should fertilize and divide properly. NOTE: Last IVF, one of the two fertilized and that one divided only once. It stopped dividing so I never got to transfer it back in me. đŸ˜¦

Keep your fingers crossed that retrieval goes well. Then it’s off to the next milestone – fertilization!

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Trying Again…

I owe everyone an update since my last blog. I blogged about a friend offering to be the donor. Well I decided not to go that route. It’s nothing against him but more on what I felt was right for me. He lives 1200 miles away. If I were to have a friend donor, I’d want him to be local, so he can be part of the child’s life. Not sure my friend understands but honestly that’s not my problem. I appreciate the offer though.

I’m in the middle of IVF #2. I’m on a different protocol – Antagonist. The way the doctor explains it is that in the aggressive approach, there are two protocols. I did the first one before, so this time we are trying the second protocol. Basically in a nutshell, this one doesn’t suppress my ovaries the entire time. I use the stimulating injections and then when the follicles reach 14mm, I add in another injection that suppresses ovulation.

My doctor visit this past Sunday showed that I had one follicle at 12mm, so they had me start suppressing ovulation Monday morning. Not a fan of this injection. It’s a slightly thicker needle and when I went to inject it, I couldn’t for some reason. Only the tip penetrated my skin. And it hurt. So now I’m shaking and light-headed. Needless to say I had to have my mom do it for me. I thought today would be easier but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Mom to the rescue again.

If all goes well, I hoping for retrieval to be this Saturday. I also hope that the other follicles catch up to the dominant one which measured 15mm this morning. I’m on daily monitoring until I Trigger.

More later on…

Monitoring appointment #2

Today’s appointment was at a different office than I normally go to. It was busy. My appointment was supposed to be at 8:30 and they didn’t even take me back for blood work until about 9:40, which I have to say they did a terrible job. I am so bruised on that arm and under the tape I had blood everywhere on my arm. Then I waited again for them to call me back for the ultrasound. I sit on the table with a paper sheet over me waiting for the technician to open the door. My nerves were already climbing up the walls, the wait didn’t help.

The technician finally comes in and she does what she does. She said they are still very small. I still only have four. I felt defeated.

I went home and curled up on the couch and slept for a while. I was so tired – like I was drugged or something. Stressed much? I snapped out of it and did some spring cleaning. I was like a tornado – cleaning out closets, under cabinets, putting winter things away, etc.

I hear my cell ring. I high-tailed it to the other side of the house, jumping over piles I have to give to Goodwill and another pile to throw out. The nurse told me my estrogen levels. 57.2. Everything in my gut says it should be much higher. She said it appears I’m a slow developer. There’s a 50/50 chance this cycle could get canceled or they could switch me to an IUI. Not sure why they’d do that when I had three unsuccessful IUIs. They are keeping my injection schedule the same. Why? Can’t they adjust them to give me a fighting change? She suggested that on Monday I talk to my doctor and see what she has to say. But I don’t want to. She’s negative about this whole thing. I wish I had a positively realistic doctor instead of a negative realistic doctor.

How can I stay positive when I get news like this? I hate sitting here alone with my thoughts. Today will be better. It has to be.

 

Got the Green Light

I had an appointment this morning to do an ultrasound and blood work to determine if I’m producing enough follicles to proceed with the IUI. She checked my right side and there was one but didn’t meet the size requirements. She then moved to my left side and there were five! Three of them are of the right size. I think originally the doctor said she was hoping for at leave five good ones so it sounds like it might not work this time. But we’ll see.

Tonight I have the trigger shot. This shot will trigger ovulation so they can predict pretty much exactly when to perform the insemination. I scheduled the IUI for Friday, July 5th, 2013.