Same protocol

As the last IVF. My doctor called today to go over any questions I have and to discuss next steps. Of course I have questions but like I told her, I don’t think there’s a way to know for sure. But she said to ask anyway, so I did. I basically wanted to know if when the three embryos were transferred back inside, did they stop growing, did they just not hatch anymore, or did they hatch by my uterus just rejected them. Like I suspected, she can guess what happened but without installing a video camera on lining of my uterus, we’ll never know for sure. She said that she suspects that my embryos weren’t a good quality and just stopped growing.

We discussed next steps which include the same protocol as the last IVF. Out of the two, the last one produced the best results so far. I agree. I didn’t grow 10+ eggs but compared to IVF#1, this one grew more and they were able to retrieve more. I can’t remember how we starting talking about the transfer dates, whether it would be a 3-day or 5-day transfer. She did say that typically they do 3-day transfers. So I asked if it would be better to wait and do a 5-day transfer to see if they ever get to the blastocyst stage. If they get to that stage, there is a greater chance of them implanting.

She originally was against it. I explained that my insurance pays for three transfers. I get two more. So why not hold on to them and see if they continue to grow to day 5. She understood my point in this and put a note on my chart. When we retrieve the eggs and fertilized them, we’ll see how well they divide and decide at that time if it will be a day-3 or a day-5. I felt good that she was willing to understand my side of things and will work with me.

Tonight I’ve also done some more research on DHEA. Right now I’ve been taking 1 25mg pill a day. The recommended dose is 75mg. So starting tomorrow I will take 75mg. I’ve read success with this dosage with patients that have diminished ovarian reserve (DOR), which is what I have, so we’ll see! I just hope it doesn’t bite me in the ass. My doctor doesn’t believe in taking DHEA, yet in their office, they have a brochure discussing DHEA can help egg quality in DOR patients. I don’t typically go against doctors and I do trust this place, it’s one of the best places, but I don’t think it would hurt to try it for a cycle.

What would you do? Would you take it regardless of what your doctor says?

Today’s the big day

Where I find out if I’m pregnant or not. I was actually really nervous this morning. But why? I’ve been doing home tests almost the entire time and it was always negative. I guess maybe I was hoping it was wrong or that my numbers just weren’t high enough to be detected, so why would I be nervous then?

Because I’d be pregnant! I know, I mean isn’t that what I want? Of course it is but it also doesn’t mean I won’t be nervous when it does happen. More excited but with a side of nervous.

My nurse calls around the same time for blood work results so I purposely left my cell phone in my purse so I wouldn’t see when she calls. Normally I answer but for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to hear the bad news in real time. Every once in a while I pulled my phone out to check and there it was – 1 missed call! Here we go…I listen to the voicemail and like I had suspected, it was a negative. I was more sad this time than I have been during any of the other tries.

I think part of me is wondering how my body could reject three embryos. What if this never happens for me? I probably shouldn’t think this way yet, but when should I? After the next try? I only have three transfers and I’ve used one of them. After the 2nd try, do I start thinking about an egg donor and good Lord, will insurance pay for that, plus I have to find one and I’m not sure what that even involves. Okay, I vented for a minute but I’m pushing this to the back corner of my mind for now. For now.

After I was sad for a bit. I thought, alright, come on menses, lets get this show on the road so I can start back up! Don’t you dare take a week to start! I mean it! I’m ready!

My donor situation is this – he has none until July, so they say. So menses will start, then I’ll be on birth control for three weeks and then start up injections again. That puts me about a month from now. I hope my donor has donated to his account again. If not, I have some back-ups in place. See a few months ago I paid for a 90-day subscription so today I went through and downloaded photos for some others just in case my donor hasn’t stocked up again.

During my two week wait, I stopped my vitamins except the prenatal and CoQ10. But tonight I’ve started back up on the others I was taking before. I think they helped and I wasn’t even on them for a full three months like most things need to be 100% useful. So the other ones I take are DHEA (helps with egg quality), D3, and iron. I’ve read that all of these can help with getting a successful pregnancy. Of course they haven’t worked yet but I was only taking them for about two months.

I have confidence that the next try will be much better. Or at least I’m trying to have confidence.