First OB Appointment

I had my first OB appointment of March 17th. This was with a new OB who lives right down the street from me, all female staff, and use one of the best hospitals in Maryland for deliveries. Figured it was a win win then.

The doctor was really nice and she asked me a bunch of questions about the pregnancy, like when did I find out, IVF stuff, and some family history. She then surprised me by saying to get undressed from the waist down and we’ll have a look. Yes!

Using the wand, she found the baby and took some measurements. The baby measured 3 days ahead, which means everything was good. She had stopped moving the wand for a second and I was like “wait, wait, is the baby moving around?”. She said yes! The baby’s arms and legs were moving around like s/he was trying to swim or something, or maybe dance. So amazing!

She had me get dressed and we talked some more about genetics testing. She told me about two of them. One, called Maternit21 is a blood test that determines chromosomal abnormalities. This test can also determine the sex of the baby. The second test, Nuchal Transluncency (NT) scan is just that, a scan. They do an u/s and measure the baby’s neck and nasal area to determine odds of your baby having Down’s or something else. Odds, really? Like 1 out of 100, 1 out of 10,000? The first test was a yes or no and the second is odds.

I opted to start with the first test, Maternit21. They drew blood for that test, several vials I think. She made an appointment at the hospital for the NT scan and said if I choose to cancel it later on, to go ahead and do so. Fine.

The Maternit21 takes 10 business days to hear results. More waiting.

I scheduled my next appointment and went on my way. When I got home I did research both tests. The Maternit21 seems more accurate than the NT scan so I did eventually cancel that one. The only thing the NT scan would have detected that the Maternit21 doesn’t – are heart defects. Well I’ll just have to live without knowing about those.

As the days went on, I began to worry about these tests results. I mean I don’t have family history of Down’s and neither does the donor but since I’m now 40yo, my old eggs could make that happen. I kept picturing my life with a baby with Down’s. It made me sad. I’m single and it’s going to be hard enough raising this baby without any additional situations.

I guess I’ll just wait and see.

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From pregnant to unpregnant

I had my second ultrasound today. Last week’s there was a gestational sac but it was empty. All week I have been so worried and scared. I was so happy to be pregnant that I feared it would be taken away.

I get to the doctors office and my heart is pounding in my chest and I’m beginning to shake. I go in and get ready and I tried not to look at the monitor as she is inserting the ultrasound wand. But I had to.

Empty.

I sat up and just broke down crying. The doctor said to get dressed and meet me in the conference room. So I did and she went over my options.

  1. miscarry naturally
  2. take some meds to help me miscarry
  3. do a D&C

I’ve decided to go with a D&C. I don’t want the terrible cramps and massive amounts of blood, just to remind me of what didn’t last. I’ve had a D&C once before when my birth control patch (many, many years ago) caused me to bleed three weeks of the month.

I provided two dates for it and I hope it’s next Thursday so I don’t end up miscarrying on my own.

I’m sad.

When I walked in the house, ugly crying, I sat on my sofa and my super sweet dog Kona curled up with me. She even did some things that did make me laugh. I didn’t cry much longer.

I told everyone who has been following my journey and I got many hugs, prayers and thoughts sent my way. I realize this is an awkward situation and most people don’t know what to say but saying things like:

  • it will happen, you’ll see
  • go the surrogacy route, my first is on her 9th pregnancy helping people
  • things happen- don’t let it get you down because the future holds so much
  • God is good and timing is everything

These people don’t have a clue and have no problems making babies. I know they are trying to be positive and say the right things but that’s not it.

I have one more IVF try left.

I will get back on the horse and try one last time.

I will be a mother or I won’t.

First ultrasound, now I’m scared

Yesterday I had my first ultrasound. I was so excited and really was hoping I could see a little heartbeat and take a photo home. My appointment was at 8:30 and I arrived on time. I sat for about 10 minutes and was called back to a room. The doctor and the technician came in all excited, asking me how I was doing. I said that I was great, but none of this feels real yet. Dr. T said that’s normal but after this ultrasound, that will probably change. I said I hope so.

I lay back on the table and the technician does her thing. I see on the mini screen a black blob but I began to hold my breath. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. The technician moved the wand around to get better angles but the gestational sac was empty. Wait, what?

I sat up and the doctor was leading her conversation in a very positive way, but she wanted to give me the two scenarios that could be going on. 

  • It’s either still too small to pick up on the ultrasound

OR

  • It never really developed

She said she is thinking (and hoping) that it’s that it is still too small but she said she wanted to prepare me emotionally for the other option. 

She wants to see me again next Thursday (Sept 11) – Oh no! I just realized the date, this isn’t going to be good is it? She said if nothing is on the screen next ultrasound that most likely the embryo never really developed.

I was in shock.

I was sad.

I was confused.

I was in disbelief. 

I began having morning sickness on Labor Day and have had it all this week. I know the hormones could still be in my body but I’m praying that my little bean is a slow grower. I read online many people showed an empty sac during their 6-week ultrasound but on week 7 or even week 8, they saw their baby. I want this to be the case. Please make this be the case. 

IVF #3 Beta 1 and 2

I feel horrible that I haven’t been back on to give ya’ll an update on my next two beta tests. I’ve been tired and since I work on a computer all day, sometimes the last thing I want to do is open up my laptop.

Just a recap – my first beta was on August 19 (12dp5dt) and it was 116.

  • Beta #2 – August 21, 2014 (14dp5dt) was 243.
  • Beta #3 – August 25, 2014 (18dp5dt) was 1291

So everything looks great and I’m out of the beta testing world. My first ultrasound is scheduled for Sept 4, 2014, however I’m going to call and see if there were any cancellations for the 2nd or 3rd. I’m dying to see that little blob on the screen and know this is really happening. Because I STILL don’t believe it.

I say I don’t believe it yet I’m already pinning pregnancy and baby things on Pinterest. See how confused I am?

Symptoms:

  • mild cramping here and there
  • sore boobs (when not in bra)
  • bloated (I look pregnant now)
  • tired (not sure if it’s baby related or just tired)
  • frequent peeing (could be that I drink a lot of water?)