Quick update on me

When I was blogging before, it was when I was trying to have a baby solo-style. And then I got pregnant. Well I quickly forgot about the blog while I spent time with my newborn, then time just got away from me. My son will be 3yo in Sept. Crazy, right?

Actually what’s CRAZY is me trying this all again. I’m 43. My AMH is even lower (before it was .7, now it’s .3) But my goal is to give my son a sibling. Things started to fall into place when another sibling mom had our donor vials leftover. So I thought, wow, my son could have a sibling by the same donor, how cool? Then I found out from a coworker/friend, that our insurance resets. So I called and confirmed that after you have a live baby, the insurance does in fact – reset. So they are giving me three more transfers.

Fast forward just a bit…

Cycle 1 – around March/April – they only retrieved 4 eggs. 2 fertilized but grew slowly so we canceled the transfer and froze both of them (day 6 and a day 7).

Cycle 2 – May/June – only retrieved 2 eggs, both fertilized, again they grew slowly.

We went ahead with a transfer at that point but we used the 2 frozen ones. Later I found out that the 2 from cycle 2 stopped growing so they were tossed. Blah.

Had the transfer on June 6, with both frozen embryos. They looked great. One hatched already and the other one was hatching. I home tested and I was pregnant. BUT I wasn’t going to believe it until I saw the ultrasound. My numbers were doubling properly, the pee sticks were getting darker. I get to the ultrasound – sac, but no baby.

Now this happened before. The cycle before I got pregnant with my son, this exact same thing happened. That’s why I wasn’t going to believe until I saw a baby. I went back a week later, still no baby – just an empty sac. They call this a blighted ovum.

So I have a D&C scheduled for this Thursday. It will probably take 6-8 weeks to get a period again before I can start again. I hate waiting.

That’s where I am with that.

Moving on to two other exciting things:

  1. Infertility can happen due to so many variables but one is toxic chemicals in your life. Soon after I had my son, I joined an amazing company called Beautycounter. They are leading the way to the beauty industry making changes. They intentionally leave out over 1500 chemicals in their products. They have skincare, makeup, baby/kids, and mens coming soon! Join me here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/counterbalancedlifewithtracy/
  2. My son loves books. He loves them all. I had recently discovered Usborne books and was hooked. I signed on to get the super huge discount but then I actually enjoy sharing the books with others. Join me here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/tracysusbornebooks/


Next thing to catch you up on is we moved! We were in the Baltimore, MD area and last August 2017, we moved to a small town in NC called New Bern. Bigger house, more land, in ground swimming pool, and 45 mins from amazing non-touristy beaches. My Maryland job let me take it with me so now I get to work from home. Zane is still in daycare and loving it. We are working on potty training but he’s just not getting it yet!

Ok chat later!

I’m that 1 in 8 person.


It’s Infertility Awareness Week. I feel like I should say something during this week since it happened to me. I’m that 1 in 8 person.

Sort of.

It happened to me because I waited too long and my eggs got old and were running out. It happened to me because I was looking for that perfect guy to have that perfect family with. Yeah well time ran out and I realized I was 38. Like what the hell just happened.

So I was like “I’m gonna adopt!” Went through months of that and about 5-7k later and they wanted me to wait. Seriously wait. But they wanted me to wait until I paid down my student loan. Well fuck…I have 15 years give or take of student loans and changing majors and retaking failed classes. They wanted me to wait 6 month to a year. How much lower do they think my student loan will be in that time. Hell, I’ll probably still be paying it when I’m old and retired.

I cried. I felt lost. I was alone.

Then I asked myself “I wonder if I can get pregnant.” “I wonder if I can do this alone.”

My research began….

Next thing I know I have an appointment at a well known and super successful clinic in my area. I met them, we talked, then we setup some tests. Tests that would determine if I can get pregnant and the odds.

Tests came back that I had “diminished ovarian reserve” and I can’t remember the technical term but basically old eggs. They can tell all this by numbers given during certain tests. Bottom line, I had very old eggs and not many left.

I met with the doctor where she explained all this in greater detail. All stuff that was over my head but at the time it probably made more sense. Her bottom line was that she didn’t think I could get pregnant, much less use my own eggs. So her bottom line was I would have to use donor sperm (since I’m single) and donor eggs. That fucking hurt. I felt empty.

But…I didn’t give up. I did more research and found somethings to do to maybe help my old eggs which in turn would help my odds. So the fun began.

2013 – I did three IUI’s. These are basically one step down from IVF. You take some meds to get on a cycle they can monitor and then they inject the sperm way up there and hope everything happens naturally. I did this 3 times.

2014 – I did three IVF’s. Tons more meds, injections I had to do myself and all the fun shitty side-effects that come with this. And I was on the maximum dose of everything. One didn’t take, one was cancelled before the transfer (eggs didn’t mature into embryos), and one pregnancy (turned non-viable). All tests showed I was pregnant but the ultrasound showed an empty sac. Boy did I cry. Like ugly cry.

2015 – My last IVF. It took. I was pregnant. I didn’t believe it until I saw it on the ultrasound. I remember shaking so much and couldn’t get myself to look at the screen, but the nurse said to look. I cried. I cried happy tears.

Sept 29, 2015 – My son was born. 7lbs 11oz. Perfect. Baby. Boy. 15 mins of pushing.

April 28th, 2017 – Tomorrow my son will be 19 months old!

He’s perfect. He’s smart. He’s silly. He’s mine. He was created from MY EGG and donor sperm.

I worked hard. I took extra supplements and vitamins and on my last attempt, I even did acupuncture. Did any of it make a difference? Who know, but I did anything and everything I could.

I do know a bit about infertility, but I believe it’s because I waited so long in life. Would I have needed IVF if I was in my 20’s or 30’s? I’ll never know. But I’m happy to have gone through this and I’ve met some wonderful friends through IVF who will be life-long friends and family forever.

I’ve also met through the sperm donor site, Z’s half siblings. He has 5 half siblings (4 brothers and 1 sister). They are family now. Family means the world to me and because of this path, my son will have a bigger family because of it.

I am that 1 in 8 people. And I’m ok with that. 🙂