I just had to wait

I’ve been waiting for a couple of weeks to write again because I was worried things might go south. And I realize there is always a possibility for that to happen but I’m feeling pretty good today so I want to share with ya’ll.

Feb 16th – First u/s. Scared out of my mind. I sat on the table and waited for the tech and Dr. to come in. They come in and told them I was nervous to see an empty sac again. I told them I would be watching them instead of the monitor and to let me know if I can look. But while I was looking at them, out of normal reflex, I glanced over at the monitor and saw a tiny little baby. Heartbeat 130. 6w5d

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Mar 3rd – Second u/s. Not as scared but still worried that the heartbeat stopped or something else happened. This appt was with my actual Dr. Didn’t hesitate to look at the monitor this time and I saw a bigger sac and a bigger baby. Looks like a gummy bear. Heartbeat 172. 8w6d

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I’m feeling pretty awesome and relieved but still not out of the woods. But I think considering things have gone this far and that I’ve had to push my car out of being stuck in the snow, shoveling, and other strenuous tasks, I think this baby is nice and strong.

Symptoms: I’ve had two bad weeks of nausea. Not going to lie. As much as I wanted to be pregnant, I really didn’t want this. I don’t mind it when I’m home and can lie down when needed or puke in my own bathroom, but to have to hold it back while at work is getting really tough. But I’m trying not to complain. I finally told my manager and he is being super supportive and said if I need to work from home, just to let him know. But I also told him I’m trying not to be that person, but that it’s nice to know I can if I have a really bad day. I’ve had tender breasts but nothing like a couple of weeks ago. Or if my dog pushes off of me, then I notice them. Sleeping has been great so far. My main thing has been nausea.

My mom’s cute. She asked me when we can be excited. I told her that we can be but that until I announce it to the masses, to remain cautious. She agreed.

Next steps: I graduated from Shady Grove Fertility Center today and I have my first appt with my OB scheduled for March 17th (two more weeks). I was told that I might not get another u/s so I shouldn’t be surprised if I don’t.

Chat soon!

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6w 2d – Waves of Nausea

I’m having a hard time dealing with the nausea. They come in waves and each day the waves are getting bigger and stronger. One minute I’m feeling normal and then the next this wave comes over me and my stomach is unsettled.  It’s not awful. I mean so many women have it way worse than I do. And I hate to complain about it because nothing would make me happier to know this is from the pregnancy.

When at work, sometimes I find it hard to make it to the end of the day. All I want to do is go home and lay down. I find myself munching on bland foods to keep something in my tummy or sipping on Ginger Ale.

But you know what the crappy thing is? The progesterone inserts can be the thing causing all this. The pregnancy itself may not be contributing to a single bit of these symptoms. It’s so hard to tell. Until I am off the progesterone inserts.

The past week I’ve been going to bed fairly early only because laying down makes me feel better. So I’m not getting a single thing done that needs to get done.

I’m two days about from the terrifying first u/s. I should be happy and I really want to be but I’m just not. I have the last cycle still pretty raw in my mind and how at my first and second u/s, the sac was empty. I know I shouldn’t keep dwelling on it but I can’t help it.

The weekend will go by pretty quickly and I’ll soon be walking into the clinic for the u/s. Monday will be the tell all. Please send prayers.

A tad bit of happy

Oh boy, I keep doing it. I keep letting my blog get too far behind and then I spent time catching ya’ll up on things. It’s amazing how life goes to quickly yet at the same time I feel like I am watching the minutes tick away.

I’ve been keeping buy during my two week wait. I have a craft show coming up this weekend so the last few weeks have been preparing for that. I’ll be glad when it’s over but I’m really hoping to sell some of my things. I have some things that are years old that I’d love to find a new home.

So let’s talk a minute about the retrieval and transfer. I still really love retrievals. I love being taken care of and being put in the deepest 15 minute sleep of all time. I just love it. So all that went well. In past retrievals they usually retrieve less eggs than what they have measured in the days leading up to retrieval. But this time, they were measuring 12 follicles pretty much the entire time of stimming. So when I wake up and the doctor comes in to tell me how many they retrieved, and she said 17, I yelled out, “no shit!”. I couldn’t believe it. I actually got more eggs than what they have been measuring. I was flying high!

My clinic decided to change their rules and make all transfer day 5’s (which to me is much better). So I waited five days, while receiving the daily status calls. Out of the 17, 14 were mature and 8 fertilized. Ok. Still better than any of the previous cycles. I’ll take it.

They transferred in the three BEST embryos. Two were blastocysts and one was an early blastocyst. Again, better than last time. Now the fun part begins. We wait.

My transfer was on 1/19 (Monday), and the following Saturday (1/24) I began home testing. The morning test was negative. I was bummed. I tested again before I went to bed and it was positive.  Each day I tested the line got darker. I couldn’t believe it. By the time it was beta day, the positive line was darker than the control line. Not that means anything but that didn’t happen before.

My beta was on 2/2. I was a nervous wreck even though I had all those positives. Let me remind you though, the last cycle I had positive home tests, a positive beta, the beta increased properly, but the u/s showed an empty sac. Even the second u/s a week later showed that same empty sac. I cried right there on the table.

So this time, I won’t believe it until the u/s, which is 2/16. So far away!

  • Beta #1 (14dp5dt) – 653
  • Beta #2 (16dp5dt) – 1670

So now I wait…again.

So far behind…

My last blog talked about my stim day 4 and stim day 6 monitoring appointments. A lot has happened. So I’ll do a quick fill in to catch you up to today.

1/6/15 – Stim day 8 – measured 8 follicles, estrogen 584
1/8/15 – Stim day 10 – still measured 8 follicles, estrogen 1166, this night I had acupuncture
1/9/15 – Stim day 11 – measured 12 follicles, estrogen 1474
1/10/15 – Stim day 12 – still measured 12, estrogen 1671
1/11/15 – Stim day 13 – measured 7 (had a tech in training), estrogen 1980
1/12/15 – Stim day 14 – back to measuring 12 (whew!), estrogen 2197, TRIGGER TIME!
1/13/15 – had acupuncture the night before retrieval
1/14/15 – egg retrieval, retrieved 17 eggs
1/15/15 – status call – out of the 17, 14 were mature, 8 fertilized
1/16/15 – 3 4cell, 1 3cell, 4 2cell
1/17/15 – 1 8cell, 2 7cell, 2 6cell, 2 5cell, 1 3cell
1/19/15 – Day 5 transfer, transfered the best three
Today – 2dp5dt, and the 2ww begins
Beta will be 2/2/15

So that should have everyone up to speed in case anyone out there was wondering what happened….not!

Oh, and I was being very optimistic that I might have at least two to freeze, but on day 6 I got the call that none made it to freeze. So this is it, my last attempt. I pray it works. I’m scared.

My last two monitoring appointments

Monitoring appointments usually occur every two days until you get closer to the trigger and then they will see you daily. Mine started this past Friday. The follicles during this appointment were very small but when I asked the technician how many she counted, there was seven on one side and five on the other. Not bad. This time last cycle they counted 13, but you can’t really go by that. I like to document everything so I can compare.

I had another appointment this morning. This was at a different location and I find that every technican counts them differently. However I had a doctor for this appointment. I’ve had him before. He started measuring them but went too fast for me to see what they measured. I asked him how many he measured and he said he measured five but there were more there. This time last cycle they also measured five.

In comparing my estrogen, this is what I have:

Day 4 stims – last cycle 141, this cycle 110

Day 6 stims – last cycle 369, this cycle 285.

I know each cycle can be different and I’m not really too concerned about it but I just wonder why they are that different. I guess if they are measuring smaller this cycle than last, they would be producing less estrogen. My next appointment is Tuesday so I hope to see a big improvement then.

Dimpled Firefighter

I had narrowed my donor choices down to two. Dimpled Firefighter and Hazel Eyes. I’ve been struggling over this but one of my blog friends who has ADD experience suggested to steer clear of that, to not risk it, especially since I’m single. That’s what I needed to hear. I needed someone who had some insight to basically tell me what to do. Plus I had another friend of mine confirm that same thought. If I had a boyfriend or a husband, I’d probably make him make some of these decisions for me. But since I don’t have that, my friends and blog friends are my “husband”. So thank you!

I ordered one vial today. My last vial I will ever order. It was weird thinking that as I clicked the Submit button. But it’s done. And the weight lifted from my shoulders. Now I can concentrate on thinking positive, imagining my little one, think of myself being pregnant, and doing the best I can to make this happen.

It will happen.

Quick Update

I thought for my donor dilemma that I would make a pros and cons list for each. Well that didn’t quite go as planned. Both have many pros but only one has one con. Option 2, the new option had ADD as child. That’s the only con for him. And to me that’s not a huge deal or at least shouldn’t be. Of course if it was, at least it would make my decision easier.

What I might do is call the donor bank and see if they can shed any light on both of these donors that maybe I don’t see in the online information. Plus they both have “yes” for pregnancies and it would be nice to know how many each have and when they first signed up with the donor bank.

So I’ll let you know if they can help me decide.

On to other news, I had my pre-IVF evaluation appointment this morning. Because it’s a weekend, I can’t go to my regular location, I had to go to another one that is open seven days a week. I’m not fond of going there. The wait is usually longer. I don’t know the nurses or doctors. And today I decided I don’t like their scale. It has to be off because I did not gain that much weight. Blah.

The ultrasound portion of the appointment went well, but so did the last one that ended up being canceled. My lining was nice and thin and she didn’t really count but when I said to take a guess, she said probably about seven follicles. I usually have more but I have to keep reminding myself that I’m only about 16 days into my cycle. My other cycles I’ve been on BCP for about 20 days. This time it was only 14.

I ran some errands before getting home, just to have to wait until the afternoon for the call. Usually they call between 3-4 but they called around 1:30. The nurse said that my bloodwork was good and that I can start!!!! I was like “wait, what?”. She repeated herself and I said okay!

Tuesday morning I begin injections.

AM – 300 gonal-f

PM – 150 gonal-f + 2 vials of menopur (I can’t remember the units)

I return on Jan 2nd for a monitoring appointment and hopefully there will be more to report on.

Chat later…goodnight! 🙂