You just never know what a day will bring. Mom went to work her half day today and then she would be off until Friday. I got up and thought about running some errands but saw how nasty it was outside and decided to stay in. It was around 10:30 and my mom called. Her voice was soft and I realized she was crying. I thought the worst. Grandma passed. But it wasn’t quite that. The hospice nurse taking care of Grandma said she isn’t sure she will make it to the week’s end. She wasn’t opening her eyes. Mom said she was finalizing a couple of things at work and then she was coming home.

She was originally going to leave on Sunday and drive down. She was going to take two weeks and stop and see some friends on the way down and the way back up. She had plans to drop off her art to a galary she is in, among other plans she had to spend time with the family.

I suggested to her that she should fly. She cried and said she hates to fly. She’s too fat to fit in the seats and she’s always so uncomfortable flying. It’s hard for her to walk the insane length of an airport. She wouldn’t stop crying.

She couldn’t get away from her original plans. I told her that if she flies, she would be spending Christmas with the family and it’s been a few years since she’s done that. She was frozen, not able to put a thought together. I asked her out of all her friends, who is a good voice of reason. So she called her. They finally spoke about an hour later and her friend put it in to great perspective for my mom. She asked my mom, what is the main purpose of this trip? Right then my mom knew the right thing to do was to fly.

We looked at flights and got her on a 6am flight tomorrow (Christmas Eve). It always amazes me the flight patterns. She has one stop in Detroit, MI, before heading to Houston. Cracks me up. Let’s go north before we go south.

Hearing the news from my mom that grandma has taken a sudden turn for the worse…I cried. I’m sad I won’t be there to see her. I’m sad my mom has to travel alone. I’m sad. So I cried a bit today.

We ran a few errands to get some last minutes gifts that she had planned on getting this week before she drove down but the timeline pushed everything up. We had lunch out and then came home to get her ready. She finished up laundry, packed her bag, wrapped those last minute gifts, colored her hair, and for me the most important thing was getting Skype up and working. That will be my only connection to grandma and the family this week. I hope we can get it to work okay.

We decided to have our Christmas tonight. Her man, Dennis came over and brought Chinese food and we all exchanged gifts. It was nice. To me Christmas isn’t about the actual day but being with family and my mom is all I have right now.

She’s sad that I will be alone on Christmas. I am too. I miss my family and already miss my mom and she hasn’t left yet. I wish I had more family here or even had my own family. I’m tired of being alone and don’t ever see it changing. But I always hope it does. At least I wouldn’t be alone for holidays.

Oh well. I know I’ll be okay, but it doesn’t make the moments any easier.

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