Yesterday I had my first ultrasound. I was so excited and really was hoping I could see a little heartbeat and take a photo home. My appointment was at 8:30 and I arrived on time. I sat for about 10 minutes and was called back to a room. The doctor and the technician came in all excited, asking me how I was doing. I said that I was great, but none of this feels real yet. Dr. T said that’s normal but after this ultrasound, that will probably change. I said I hope so.

I lay back on the table and the technician does her thing. I see on the mini screen a black blob but I began to hold my breath. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. The technician moved the wand around to get better angles but the gestational sac was empty. Wait, what?

I sat up and the doctor was leading her conversation in a very positive way, but she wanted to give me the two scenarios that could be going on. 

• It’s either still too small to pick up on the ultrasound

OR

• It never really developed

She said she is thinking (and hoping) that it’s that it is still too small but she said she wanted to prepare me emotionally for the other option. 

She wants to see me again next Thursday (Sept 11) – Oh no! I just realized the date, this isn’t going to be good is it? She said if nothing is on the screen next ultrasound that most likely the embryo never really developed.

I was in shock.

I was sad.

I was confused.

I was in disbelief. 

I began having morning sickness on Labor Day and have had it all this week. I know the hormones could still be in my body but I’m praying that my little bean is a slow grower. I read online many people showed an empty sac during their 6-week ultrasound but on week 7 or even week 8, they saw their baby. I want this to be the case. Please make this be the case.