Today I got to hang out with a friend of mine and I got to catch her up on all things IVF in my life. In our discussion I had mentioned something along the lines that I only get two more transfer, that insurance will only pay for two more. She said something like – but won’t you keep going afterwards. I initially said no. IVF is expensive and it would take me a year or so to save up that kind of money.
But I got to thinking as the day went on. If after the three attempts insurance will pay, and I don’t get pregnant, will that be it? Will I not try anymore? Will I be okay with that?
I’ve always wanted to be a mother. How could I be okay with that not happening? I’m not sure I can be.
So now I’m scared again. My new cycle of injections is coming up on the 21st and I’m so scared this may never happen for me. If it doesn’t work on the second transfer, would I be okay with using an egg donor? It terrifies me to think about that just yet.
I don’t know how many times I need to pray. Or how many times I can wish on a star. When will it be my time to be a mother?