Today’s appointment was at a different office than I normally go to. It was busy. My appointment was supposed to be at 8:30 and they didn’t even take me back for blood work until about 9:40, which I have to say they did a terrible job. I am so bruised on that arm and under the tape I had blood everywhere on my arm. Then I waited again for them to call me back for the ultrasound. I sit on the table with a paper sheet over me waiting for the technician to open the door. My nerves were already climbing up the walls, the wait didn’t help.
The technician finally comes in and she does what she does. She said they are still very small. I still only have four. I felt defeated.
I went home and curled up on the couch and slept for a while. I was so tired – like I was drugged or something. Stressed much? I snapped out of it and did some spring cleaning. I was like a tornado – cleaning out closets, under cabinets, putting winter things away, etc.
I hear my cell ring. I high-tailed it to the other side of the house, jumping over piles I have to give to Goodwill and another pile to throw out. The nurse told me my estrogen levels. 57.2. Everything in my gut says it should be much higher. She said it appears I’m a slow developer. There’s a 50/50 chance this cycle could get canceled or they could switch me to an IUI. Not sure why they’d do that when I had three unsuccessful IUIs. They are keeping my injection schedule the same. Why? Can’t they adjust them to give me a fighting change? She suggested that on Monday I talk to my doctor and see what she has to say. But I don’t want to. She’s negative about this whole thing. I wish I had a positively realistic doctor instead of a negative realistic doctor.
How can I stay positive when I get news like this? I hate sitting here alone with my thoughts. Today will be better. It has to be.