Last week was a bit rough for me. I had a stomach bug and then had some personal things going on (a major life altering thing) that brought on the water works. It was nice to have a slow weekend but that allowed for my brain to think more – more than I wanted. I hope this week is much better and that the higher ups shine to light on my situation and help me make a decision.
While attending my own pity party, I decided to reflect on the rest of my life and wonder where I went wrong. Why did my life turn out this way? Why did my husband die and leave me to live out the rest of my life alone? Why can’t I find another decent loving guy? I sit in my house – one that occupies my mom right now – and I wonder if this same day will be repeated five year from now. Will anything have changed?
Maybe I’m meant to be alone. But that would really suck. Who wants to be alone forever? Not me. Am I not worthy of this love that so many others around me have? I know, it sounds silly to be asking these questions. I only ever do when I’m sad about one particular thing that has changed course in my life, which leads me to dwell on ALL the rest of the bad in my life.
On a positive note, I do have many great things. So don’t think that I am a negative person. Just feeling down right now. I’m always good about picking myself back up but until I find the answer to my lingering life altering question, I can’t make myself feel happy.