When I was 22 years old I married my best friend in the world, Rob, knowing he had colon cancer. At the time of our wedding day, he had already had surgery to remove the cancer, gone through a year of chemo and a few months of radiation and was in remission. Our wedding was simple yet perfect. The plan was an outdoor wedding, however it rained so we moved in doors. I still remember that day like it was yesterday…and it was 15 years ago. Later that same year, he lost his battle with cancer. The cancer came back in his hip and all over his body. The last place it reached was his brain. Now being his wife, a new wife at that, along with his family, had to decide to either keep him alive and do aggressive treatment or take him off machines and let him go. Unfortunately, we decided to let him go. I signed the paperwork and called everyone we knew hoping they would make it to the hospital in time to see him before he left our world. Only a few made it in time. I held his hand for the last time.
Rob and I talked about kids…a lot. We even tried starting our family while he was sick but the doctors said there was a slim chance that would happen (while on chemo). So we thought we would be able to once he got better. We both thought he would be okay. We never had any doubts because he was so young (he died at 26 years old). We talked about having three kids and of course wanted two boys and a girl. We even talked about names and whether we would stay in the townhouse we were currently living in or move somewhere else. We had it all planned out. We knew we would try as soon as we could because we both wanted to be parents and knew we would be great parents together.
For the past 15 years I have dated guys, some good and some bad, and others really bad. I believe I have seen every type of relationship there is, but none of them had the same feelings I had with Rob. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t trying to find someone just like Rob, after all he is unique, but I was looking for someone to be my best friend. It hasn’t happened yet. I haven’t given up but my heart is saying I can’t keep waiting for this guy I’m searching for any longer. The want and need to be a mother hasn’t changed one bit since Rob died. It has grown stronger each year as my age increases. I am now 38 years old. It’s time.
I knew some changes had to take place and that I was the only one who could make those changes. In 2011, I bought my first home – a single family home with a fenced in backyard, five bedrooms, two living rooms, two full baths, and a huge deck out back. My goal was to buy a house so I could start a family. I have been there over a year now and even adopted a rescue dog (my first dog) and she has been a blessing. Now I’m ready for the family and I can make this happen myself.
After researching EVERY possible option, my heart has said to adopt internationally. So I am a single woman embarking on an Ethiopian adoption. I couldn’t be more excited and nervous about this journey but I have found I can’t do it financially without some help. So that’s why I’m here…to share this journey with my friends and family and those who wish to be a part of this, and raise some funds that will help me make my dreams come true of becoming a mother.
The adoption plan is now on hold. I’m walking down a different path, becoming pregnant. So now I’m a single woman who is trying to get pregnant using donor sperm.
Regardless of which path I end up taking, I want children and I’m determined to do whatever I need in order to make this happen.
This blog is everything about my life. The good, the bad and the weird. If you don’t like what I write, then don’t follow my blog. If you enjoy my randomness or my path to motherhood, then I hope you follow me and enjoy reading.